Santa Claus is the reason...

So several seasons ago, some nut in a grocery store approached me* and, peering into my cart for evidence**, shouted, “Do you know the reason for the season?”  I answered, without thinking twice, “Santa Claus?”  He then proceeded to give me a lecture on Jesus and his little friends, whoever they are (Sleepy?  Dopey? Billy—the Long Haired Mule Boy?), and told me that even his 3-year-old granddaughter knew better.  “She doesn’t even believe in Santa Claus,” he told me.

*I don’t know what it is that makes these people come directly to me like bees to flowers, but they do, everywhere, every time, in every country.

** I don’t remember what I was buying, but something must have set him off for him to ask that question.  Maybe I was buying something sexy like catfood or Christ-flavored nutballs.

For those of us who celebrate Christmas, I can’t think of anything sadder than not believing in Santa Claus. I know most people think of this as a religious versus secular argument, but I don’t think that’s the whole story.  Plenty of religious people like Santa too.

Recently Rick Perry (another nut who would no doubt chastise me for buying skim instead of whole milk should he peer in my cart) ranted about how we gays and other non-Christians (because of course there’s no such thing as a gay religious person) were threatening Christmas.  These are the same people who put the sneering “Keep Christ in Christmas” magnets on their cars and yell at us for wishing them Happy Holidays. Now I’ll be the first to admit that as an atheist, it’s probably a bit strange for me to celebrate Christmas at all, but I certainly don’t give a flying shxx how anayone else celebrates it.  Except, of course, that I don’t think Santa is a threat to Christmas, religious or not.

My earliest memory of Santa is my fourth Christmas.  We had recently moved to a new town, the bustling metropolis of Loveland, Colorado.  Having previously lived in apartments, this was my first Christmas in a house, and our house had a chimney and fireplace for easier Santa access.  I was, like many kids of my age, trembling with anticipation for Christmas morning. My brother and sister were in school already and I was excited for them to be home all day soon. This meant my mom and I were at home decorating and watching daytime Christmas specials until they were off for two weeks. One of these shows, I remember vividly, was the gorgeous and silent animated film The Snowman, which I love.  We had snow that year, which isn’t always the case in the Front Range of Colorado in late December, believe it or not, so when Christmas Eve finally came, the mood was set.

Christmas morning I woke earlier than anyone and snuck down the hall to our olive-colored carpeted living room, peering in anxiously.  As I snuck in, trying carefully to walk quietly, I suddenly spotted a huge red sack on the ground by the tree.  We had put cookies (for Santa) and celery (for the reindeer) in the kitchen, so I was terrified that Santa had left his bag of presents in the living room while he collected his token offering in the other room.  As I fled in terror, I collided with my older brother coming the other way, and, voiceless in horror, was unable to stop him from pushing me into the living room with him.  Seeing the red sack, he said, “Awesome!  I  got a beanbag!” and jumped on it. Relief was nearly overwhelming, and I remember fighting back tears for a few minutes.

That’s not a fake belief people.  For years, I would believe in the magic and generosity of Santa. Having older siblings usually means that you don’t believe in Santa for very long, but, whether my parents threatened them or bribed them or whether they were just being nice, neither one told me the “truth.”  I believed in Santa late into elementary school, and, in the naive early 80s, this wasn’t unusual.  Maybe we’re in a more cynical era, or maybe this nut jobs are the ones who are threatening Santa, who knows.  All I know is my kids will believe as long as I can possibly help it.

I think Santa is a perfectly satisfactory way to teach children “right” and “wrong”, “naughty” and “nice,” as well as allowing them to believe, if for a few years, in magic reindeer, elves, fairies and free generosity. I can’t really understand how a man who gives generously and freely (well, save perhaps for the cookies) threatens Christmas.  Okay, so he keeps humanoid slaves—the elves—(or human, depending on your country of origin), but maybe, like the Oompa Loompas, the elves don’t need anything but candy. Maybe they’re happy being elves….hmmm, okay, so the elves are problematic, but jeez, isn’t everything?

To my non-Christian and non-religious readers, I apologize if the preceding seems to generalize all children as needing Santa to learn the kind of things that he can teach; this is not the case at all and I would be the first to admit that he is simply another tool in the Christian or secularized or former Christian parent household toolbox.

-KK