--UK
NEW YORK TRILOGY
Leaving New York:
New York,
I have been leaving you since I arrived
Don’t take it personally,
but now I’m really going.
No more afternoons in the park
Evenings in the Village
Midnight taxi rides
or museum expeditions.
We had a good run
we even tried a commuter relationship.
It’s time to admit
we weren’t right for each other
we come from different worlds.
It’s not you, it’s me.
Or maybe it’s you.
Dirty, unrelenting, expensive
with a smelly underbelly.
Offering hope
Only to snatch it away.
I just can’t do this anymore.
I hope we can still be friends.
Notes Accumulated Over Time (Graduate School Year by Year)
Prelude: Letter of Acceptance
Thank god!
Someone wants me after all.
I’m going to be an Academic!
I’m going to live on books and
Important Conversations!
They are paying me to be a
SCHOLAR.
1st year:
Pleasure & pain intertwine
Combine
Easy camaraderie
Important Conversations
Beer & blowhards
Inevitable housing issues
Inevitable Foucault
So grateful to be here.
2nd year:
Classes?
I’m so over them
I’m ready for the next thing
next year
next challenge
next next next please!
That damned Foucault is still following me
I had to take out loans;
What they pay is a pittance
At least teaching is less boring
than TAing.
3rd year:
Shouldn’t reading all day long
be more fun than this?
I’ve developed a permanent twitch in my hand
from typing notes
Exams
What a mess
Then: So…what’s your dissertation going to be about?
4th year:
Indecision
Derision
Research more:
Confusion
From out the miasma
an Idea emerges
Careful, they say: you’ll have to live with this one for
the next ten years.
Write a proposal:
Immediately trash it.
Start the first chapter.
Move on.
Interlude: Summer work study
What am I doing?
How many hours?
How do I log them?
When do I find the time for my work?
Whose idea was this anyway?
5th year:
A recipe:
Research
Write
Repeat
First years don’t know who you are.
They look so little.
And hopeful.
6th year:
Edit.
Edit edit edit
edit edit edit edit
Frantically apply for jobs
Set the date.
Edit edit edit edit
Defense: Speak. Answer questions.
This is it?
Congratulations! You’re a doctor.
I’m a what?
Aren’t you so relieved?
I need a job
The Long Good-bye
Long and blue and green
Sprinkled with turquoise
pools and long
ribbons of congested highway.
seen from above
a lobster claw
a whale
The first thing I noticed
were the trees
canopied above
bursting flowers
water blue sky
beach access
quiet neighborhoods
--the opposite of Brooklyn
upon closer inspection—
there are no sidewalks
food and gas and heat
and housing and everything
costs. so. much.
summer traffic is murder:
2 hours in the car
to go to the Hamptons—
it’s just stores.
outsiders don’t live here;
we merely survive.
How will I remember it?
This place with
good pizza
ocean breezes
views of Connecticut
hazy in the distance
ferry boats
wine country
hiking flat forest trails
taking the train to the City
News Channel 12:
As local as local news gets.
Perhaps
I look forward
to friendly locals
People who smile at you
for no reason.
Who say “please” and “thank you”
I look forward
to non-aggression
But I will miss the blue
And I will miss all of you
Farewell little island
that is not so little
for it is Long.
Farewell the
drawers
dogs
coffee
and chocolate
I stayed for a while
Longer than I expected
now I’m longing to leave;
I’m leaving you.
Good bye.
No comments:
Post a Comment